We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
