Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
