Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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