yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
