I cockslap morals
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
