and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
