In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
