just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
