this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
