Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
