i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know š
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Thanks for going with me today. Itās been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
Itās called āshopping for lingerieā and itās one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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