I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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