Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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