Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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