Sry I called you an 8
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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