You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
