i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
