I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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