It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
