By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You've changed since you got that strap on
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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