why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
