why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
