So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
