I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
