put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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