My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
zippers are such a cool invention
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
