There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Come on in and take your pants off
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