Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I skipped work to stalk him.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
