there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
