We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
