I think I won the penis lottery.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
