dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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