I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Randomize
