I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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