he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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