I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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