when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
