We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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