4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
