My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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