i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
did i just pee glitter
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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