so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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