I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
