I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
