thus making me awesome and them whores
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
