I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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