Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
