I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
