Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
