a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
