And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
