So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
