You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
