It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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