did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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