I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
