First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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