I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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