Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
