I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
