i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I love you.
Bad choice
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
