I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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