i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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