I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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