3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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