Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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