Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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