The maid of honor just puked.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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