i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
