So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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