Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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