The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
