the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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