Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
