i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize