Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
