I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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