So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
send nudes
from the living room?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
